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Steven Sterns DENVER, CO — Take a seat everybody, here comes the big man on campus! Greg Peters over here is definitely much more interesting, valuable, and just plain better than everyone else. The search is over, ladies and gents! Humankind finally has its knight in shining armor, a leader who can really tell us … Continue reading Local Man Better Than Everyone Else
Jared Schlinger LOS ANGELES, CA — Ruh-roh folks, looks like those wonderful childhood memories of Scoob and the gang solving mysteries are now nothing but memories, just like the ghosts and ghouls they caught were nothing more than fiends in costume. Citing financial concerns and lack of work ethic, Fred Jones, the informal leader of … Continue reading Tragic: Scoobert “Scooby” Doo Has Been Let Go By The Mystery Gang
Alyssa Turnage SPRINGLEAF, CA — In a surprising turn of events on capital hill this week, Mayor Gene Athenson issued a mandate on Tuesday that emojis will henceforth be unlawful for use in police reports — effective immediately. Fortunately, this mandate applies specifically to police reports, and non-police reports are still in the clear. In … Continue reading Mayor Declares Emojis Unlawful For Use In Police Reports
By Jim Aeneid GRAND RAPIDS, MI — Subsequent to the passing-back of a note during social studies class, it is still unclear whether Jessica K. likes me or not. The note was originally written after teacher of the 6th period class, Mr. Thompson, began the day’s video. Composed in the archetypal format of “Do you … Continue reading Disappointing: Reports Unclear Whether Jessica K. Likes Me
The Daily Taradiddle 