Steven Sterns
DENVER, CO — Take a seat everybody, here comes the big man on campus! Greg Peters over here is definitely much more interesting, valuable, and just plain better than everyone else.
The search is over, ladies and gents! Humankind finally has its knight in shining armor, a leader who can really tell us all how to live our lives. And we really should do anything he says, because he knows better than all of us idiots.
Greg, often seen walking into a room like he owns the place, is undoubtedly God’s gift to humanity. Sure he’s pretty handsome, but he also gets whatever he wants, which sources confirm cannot simply be coincidence.
Greg drives a BMW, but don’t worry about asking him to tell you about it (since common people like me and you probably don’t deserve the honor of talking to Greg), he’ll go ahead and tell you all about it without you asking.
Greg is also gracious enough to regale is commonfolk with lengthy descriptions of his workout routine and hobbies, which include mountain biking, reading, city league softball, and just generally being more interesting than you.
Get up on that high horse, Greg, you deserve it! Really!
Data also show that Greg recently received a promotion here at the DT that another writer deserved more who wishes to remain unnamed.
The Daily Taradiddle 